A Case for Gentleness

“…do it as an act of love of deep warm friendship to yourself, in this way there is no longer any need for the subtle aggression of self-improvement [or] the endless guilt of not doing enough.”

Bob Sharples

There is a decent amount of buzz about self-care these days, though I would argue that at least in the U.S., we think of self-care more like self-improvement. In the quote above, Bob Sharples is talking about doing meditation as an act of love for oneself rather than just another good practice to add to our never-ending list of things to do. Of course, there are so many things that are good for us that we want to do—getting enough sleep, clean eating, moving & stretching our bodies, giving back to our communities. Though the ideas behind these healthy behaviors start with good intentions, more often than not they become new ways to beat ourselves up. Whether we incorporate these practices into our daily routine or they become casualties to our demanding lives, we now have another measuring stick by which to judge ourselves. And suddenly, the intention of looking out for ourselves has turned into the opposite of self-care.

• Instead of pushing ourselves past the point of exhaustion, 
• instead of holding ourselves to unrealistic ideals, 
• instead of priding ourselves on how much stress we can handle,

what if we chose gentleness? 

I can hear what you’re thinking, “Then, I’ll never get anything done”; “I’ll get soft and lose my edge”; “Gentleness isn’t a strategy for accomplishing important goals.” And yet, when have criticism and self-flagellation ever led to a life of purpose and kindness?

Learning to treat ourselves gently, opens the door for so many benefits.

1. It slows us down long enough to find out what we really need.
2. It shifts the narrative from “I am what I accomplish” to “I am enough regardless.”
3. It allows us to practice patience with ourselves which impacts how we treat others.
4. It brings balance to the dance between productivity and rest.
5. It weakens the fearful and critical mind.
6. It generates more energy and resilience.

Life is already hard enough without us constantly judging ourselves so harshly. I feel confident that a little gentleness isn’t going to have us throwing responsibility and accountability out the window. Let’s get curious about how gentleness may help us navigate life more seamlessly. Treat yourself as you would your most precious loved one. Let gentleness be the atmosphere within which each act of self-care takes place. 

If you could use some support with navigating all the stressors you’re juggling, I’d love to offer you a complimentary call and explore how coaching may be able to support you.